5 Tips to Cultivate Inner Strength

“Look Mary, how great Michelangelo is. This man, who has created a host of mighty giants out of marble, can be sweet and gentle in the extreme. What a good illustration Michelangelo’s life is of the fact that real strength is the daughter of gentleness, and that flexibility is the offspring of true resolve.” – Lover letters, Kahlil Gibran. Nov 3 1923.



In the fire of inner strength, the seeds of greatness are born.

Irrelevant of fitness levels, my core muscles are weak; my flexible back hyper-mobile, my body vulnerable.

To compensate, to protect it – I incorrectly adjusted with rigidity.

More often, through inactivity. My hip and lower back have let me know it.

Now that my core muscles are strengthening, I have a greater freedom in my body beyond what would normally be possible.

Similarly, in my life, my mind and heart swing through extremes. I hadn’t yet cultivated a true inner strength.

I didn’t know the value of structure. Nor that creativity and love can blossom in the foundations of self-discipline. Not hard forced discipline…

…but the kind that does what’s before it without mental anguish.

I discovered strength is not born from force but from gentleness. It is a natural urge within us, that when nurtured, can sprout seeds of limitless possibilities.

The cultivation of my inner physical, mental and spiritual strength teaches me patience and compassion.

In martial arts, before flight begins, there are many years of waxing on waxing off. Before rules can be broken, first we must know the discipline of it, as if it’s our very breath.

Our world is such, that many of us, so yearning for a sense of freedom, are breaking out before we have an inner strength; before the discipline is learned; before the art of it is mastered. The result. We hurt. We hurt and blame the world.

To become a master we must train with earnest humility, patience, resolve and compassion.

5 Tips to Cultivate Inner Strength

  1. Meditate: There are many kinds of meditation that can assist you plug into source. Explore what is right for you. Seek a Master.

  2. Exercise: Any exercise will do it. Make sure you build your core muscles and flex your body. Yoga is excellent for this as it cleanses, strengthens and flexes the mind and body.
  3. Practice gratitude and faith: Write it, think it, most of all notice it. There is so much you do have. What you give attention to expands.
  4. Inquire into the truth of your stories: What we think is only our perception. Look into the stories you tell about what is happening and ask. “Is it true?” You may discover that what you think is the reason you suffer.
  5. Only eat/drink/watch peaceful, healthy foods and movies: You are what you put in. Harmful foods and television cause agitation and internal conflict. Be vegan make peace.



This is what has worked for me. You may have other things that help you. Whatever it is – do it!

With the expansion of strength on the inside, I find on some days I can drop the rules all together. What a peaceful space to be. It’s called being free.

You deserve to thrive. What you can concieve you can achieve. Now is the time to believe. Make yourself at home. 


FreshStart I   Starts LIVE APRIL 1st                                                    The 21 Day Reboot Challenge cultivates these 5 habits. It’s absolutely free. Sign up today.                                                              Refresh. Revive. Regenerate.

Copyright Jo (Hazelhurst) Ntsebeza 2013

What the Young Man Heard

By Rebecca Finerf-hed

Toward the end of the 1800s, when the telegraph was still “high tech,” a young man in Baltimore, Maryland, woke up one summer morning giddy with excitement. In fact, iWhat the Young Man Heardt had taken him half the night to fall asleep at all.

Today was the day he’d apply for his first job! But what was really exciting was that, if he were lucky enough to be chosen for the position, he’d actually be getting PAID for something that absolutely enthralled him. He’d be a real, bona fide telegraph operator!

His mind was so filled with wonderful pictures of himself sending and receiving important messages, communicating with people miles away — even clear across the country — that the possibility of NOT getting the job couldn’t get a foot in the door.

He didn’t even mind wearing a stiff collar and tie. After all, this was an important job, and he liked the idea of looking the part. Giving his shoes one last buffing, he dashed out the door and raced downtown to the telegraph office.

Inside, the office was already bustling with activity and noise, including the sound of the telegraph clattering away in the background. Several other applicants were seated in the waiting area, hunched over paperwork. Our young man saw a stack of job applications with a sign instructing candidates to take one, fill it out, and then wait to be called into the Director’s office for an interview. So he eagerly grabbed one and sat down.

The form itself took only a few minutes to complete, and as he finished and started to look around at the other job hopefuls in the room …

… the young man suddenly jumped from his chair and with his paperwork in hand, marched over to the Director’s office door and went right in without even knocking!

“Did you see that?” one of the other jobseekers snorted. “We’re supposed to wait until we’re called, and that rube barges in like he owns the place.”

“Yeah, that’s some nerve, but it just cuts down the competition,” said another, and they all laughed.

Moments later the laughter and comments stopped as the Director’s door opened and both he and the beaming young man came out into the waiting area.

“Gentlemen,” the Director said, “thank you for coming, and I wish you all well. The job has been filled.”

Stunned into silence, no one said anything for a moment. Then, the fellow who had started the derisive comments sputtered, “Now wait a minute. This isn’t fair! We were here first but we never even got a chance, and he gets the job just like that?”

The others grumbled in agreement, but the Director put up his hand. “Here’s the thing,” he said.

“All this time you were sitting here, the telegraph has been clicking away, saying: ‘If you can understand this, come on into the office right now. You’ve got the job.’

As he clapped his hand on the young man’s shoulder, he smiled broadly and said, “This young fellow was the only one of you who heard or understood the message.”

Why did this young man alone
hear and understand the message?

Listen to what Scottish psychologist R. D. Laing had to say on this subject:

“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change — until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.”

You’ll probably need to read that a couple of times. (I sure did!) Then just let it sink in a bit.

Now, wouldn’t it be great if you could just put on a special pair of glasses that would magically cause all the opportunities that come your way every single day to stand out from all the background “noise?” To jump into sharp relief against what Mr. Wattles calls “mere appearances” so that you could notice them?

Just imagine that for a minute. Everything looks normal one moment — all the everyday hassles, the BIG problems, the regular stresses and frustrations, and so on. Life going on all around, as usual.

And then you put on your magic specs (which, by the way, are extremely cool and you look fabulous in them!), and — wow! — the entire world looks SO different!

Suddenly you see connections you hadn’t noticed before. Suddenly what previously looked like a HUGE problem you were trying to put off dealing with has magically morphed into a lucky break.

And people look different, too — even some of the grumpy, disagreeable ones are starting to shape up.

Yeah, wouldn’t it be great if you could do that?

Well, you can!

And you don’t need magic glasses any more than the young man in our story above needed a special hearing aid.

Why did he, and he alone, hear opportunity knocking?

  • It couldn’t be because he was the only one interested in the job. There were other applicants sitting there with him.
  • It couldn’t be because he was the only one who knew Morse code. After all, it was a telegrapher’s job they were after.
  • It couldn’t be because he was more experienced. This was his first job.
  • And it wasn’t for any of those other reasons Mr. Wattles tells us don’t really matter (right there in Chapter 2).

Have you figured out why our hero heard the message? Well, here’s a clue from Mr. Wattles in The Science of Getting Rich:

“Contemplate your picture in your leisure hours until your consciousness is so full of it that you can grasp it instantly. You will become so enthused with its bright promises that the mere thought of it will call forth the strongest energies of your whole being.”

Bingo! There it is!

His mind was so filled with his clear mental image of himself as a telegraph operator that he could see, hear, smell, and taste that “image.” He really wanted it and could vividly imagine himself having it. It was REAL to him — as real as if it were already true.

And it called forth the strongest energies of his whole being. It allowed him to hear what others couldn’t.

When your mind is so focused in this way, you are STRONGLY impressing your image on the Formless and causing that image to move toward you, to move into physical reality. You become so attuned that your senses are heightened and your awareness expands. You can see and hear and notice things that totally escaped you before.

Your brain’s special ‘pay attention to this!’ system

Did you know your brain even has a special area that handles this whole area of “noticing?” It’s called the Reticular Activating System (RAS), and part of what it does is cause you to notice things that were ALWAYS there before unnoticed until you somehow clue it in about what to start noticing.

For example, did you ever get a new car (or even just think a LOT about getting one) and then it suddenly seemed that EVERYONE must have just bought one? Suddenly, that very same model — even the same color — is showing up EVERYWHERE?

That’s the RAS at work.

It’s filtering all the zillions of messages your five senses are constantly passing along and deciding which ones are important — important enough for you to consciously notice. (It’s determining also what goes into your subconscious mind where the belief system that runs your life is built.) And one way you “program” your RAS to send up a “hey, look at this!” signal is by what you focus on by CHOICE.

It’s what we’re referring to when we say that what you see around you depends on what you’re looking for — in experiences, circumstances, in other people, and on and on. And it works just as well when you put your focus, faith, and feeling on what you do NOT want, too. It’s totally neutral, and it’s on the job in your every waking moment.

With a new car, of course, the novelty wears off fairly soon, your interest fades, and so the RAS stops signalling you to notice all the lime green Volkswagen Beetle convertibles whizzing by.

But when you follow Mr. Wattles’ advice, you’re giving the RAS steady instructions to keep its radar going. And the result is like wearing those magic glasses:

“Imagine an environment and a financial condition exactly as you want them, and live all the time in that mental environment and financial condition until they take physical shape.

“See the things you want as if they were actually around you all the time. See yourself as owning and using them. Make use of them in imagination just as you will use them when they are your tangible possessions.

“Dwell upon your mental picture until it is clear and distinct, and then take the mental attitude of ownership toward everything in that picture. Take possession of it, in mind, in the full faith that it is actually yours. Hold to this mental ownership. Do not waiver for an instant in the faith that it is real.”

When you do this, when you enthusiastically and steadily hold your vision — like the young man in our story — you’ll be amazed at what you start to notice and astonished at how you seem to hear and see wonderful opportunities where others do not!

Need a guide to Morse Code to decipher the message above? Go here:


Or try this one for an automatic, one-button translation:


Rebecca Fine is the founder of The Science of Getting Rich Network where you can download your free copy of the amazing 1910 forgotten classic, The Science of Getting Richhttp://http://www.scienceofgettingrich.net    ©2004 Certain Way Productions.

The Power of Now – Lessons From My Karate Master



Today, in class, while practicing my katas, I discovered the power of NOW.

Sweat poured down my face. And I didn’t even notice. It occurred to me at some stage during the two hours I hadn’t given a moment’s thought to my heartache from my unrequited love affair, or my worries about closing some of the deals in the pipeline.

I was 100% completely engrossed in the HERE and NOW. Boy! Did I feel great. Alive, full and stretched. Although my muscles ached, I felt relaxed and energized.

This is what it must mean to be FULLY in the present.

I also have that when I coach people or facilitate workshops. Perhaps that’s why I love it so much. It really is one of the times I know for sure I am in my power, no matter how challenging the situation. Mostly it truly feels like something bigger than me is operating. It more often than not leaves me energized, full, grateful and alive.

Why am I unable to bring this element to the rest of my life? I think sometimes in the zest for personal development, I spend too much time reflecting in the past or visualizing the future. Not that reflection and planning isn’t valuable. But living in the NOW has such a beauty in it.

That’s why I love karate, yoga and dance. It helps me practice being present in a way that is fun.


Such concentrated effort, is effortless. And leaves no room for worry. No care of the future, and no regret for the past. All there is, is this moment… NOW… that needs to be taken care of.

I remember when I did the Landmark Education Forum. One of the concepts they put to us is that LIFE IS NOW. This moment. This second in which you are reading these words. This is your life.

How do you feel?

Every one of these moments called ‘NOW’ add up to become the sum total of how we experience our lives.

IS it really possiblmodel-829048__180e as Eckhart Tolle suggests to be more present in every day activities. I know I am while I am writing this. Well mostly. I have a little nag about an upcoming meeting at the back of my head, which is slightly, but not much, taking away some of the enjoyment in sharing this story with you

Can I shift to the NOW?

If you haven’t read Power of Now, or the New Earth it is a highly recommended read.

Copyright, 2009

Executive Coaching – Is There A Return On Investment?

Executive Coaching
July 30, 2009, Business Report
By Jo Hazelhurst
A few months ago, I discussed the idea of executive leadership coaching of business owners and company leaders with the chief financial officer of one of the local parastatals.

“Actually we only look at coaching for our managers. Our chief executive believes that if you still need development, you shouldn’t be an executive,” was his response.

My jaw dropped wide enough to swallow an elephant.

I became curious as to why leaders may not perceive executive leadership coaching for those in the top echelons as a worthwhile investment. Perhaps the easy entry into coaching means it can lend itself to abuse and is still a misunderstood development tool.

Yet, according to The Global Coaching Client Study released in June by The International Coach Federation (ICF), the average return on investment for coaching people at the top of a firm’s structure is 700 percent. Nineteen percent of people who use executive coaching reported a 5 000 percent return on investment.


But this particular chief executive was not arguing that executive leadership coaching is not a valuable investment – only that executives should not need it.

Then, recently, I was talking to a psychologist associate about some of the challenges my “soft me” has when negotiating financial deals with business leaders. According to her, people who are highly successful in business, especially at a young age, usually have a tendency towards narcissism.

This can take the kind of ambition that will do whatever it takeswithout too much thought about the other person’s needs or long-term consequences.

This person is usually so confident that they begin to believe that they really are superior to others. They come with an ego that doesn’t allow for the vulnerability required to say “I may be really great at what I do, but there is so much more to discover.”

The Harvard Business Review Report 2009 on “The Realities of Coaching” reports that if executives don’t believe they have a need to change or are unwilling to look inside themselves, coaching is unlikely to succeed.executive-coaching-1

It suggests that leaders who are resistant to coaching may have “behavioural challenges… that include narcissism, deep resentment, a sense of resignation, and very serious self- esteem issues”.

If best-selling author Malcolm Gladwell has any credibility then his assertions in a piece published in the latest edition of The New Yorker, that the financial crisis is more due to big egos than anything else, must be considered.

I do wonder what might have been different if everyone involved were willing and ready to listen and learn something new? Would they still have been motivated to choose short-term gain even in the face of such long-term damage?

In my own experience, businessmen and women have a budding desire to develop themselves. They may sometimes be unsure of the best way to do it. Coaching is only one avenue; leadership programmes, mentoring and therapy are other options available.executive-success.jpg

To explain coaching, I like to draw from the Kolbe Strengths Learning Model. Coaching can assist you to integrate your emotions, values and beliefs (affective capacity) with your skills, knowledge and experience (cognitive capacity) as well as your strengths (talent and instincts) in the service of a tangible purpose that is in line with your personal values and mission, and that of your organisation.

It also assists executives to increase well-being in all life areas.

According to a 2001 study of Fortune 1000 companies that have used executive coaching, benefits included an enhancement of working relationships with clients, managers and team members, less conflict within the team and a higher performance all round.

For the organisation, figures showed an increase in productivity by 53 percent; bottom line profitability by 22 percent; customer service by 39 percent; retention of senior people by 32 percent; and a reduction of costs by 23 percent.

Jo Hazelhurst coaches executive leadership and facilitates teams development. Send questions to +27 (0)8450022292 or email jo@kalavati.org

Three Secret Tricks to Changing Habits With A Lot Less Fuss

Jo-Profile Hey creative souls, changing habits can feel so darn hard. Don’t I know it.

Doesn’t it just exhaust you? It’s the thing we moan about quietly to ourselves, but we never talk about in public.

We KNOW its our bad habits that sabotage us. We just don’t know why it’s so hard to change them.

I know its not only me who battles…

Everyone I’ve worked with has a fight of their own, no matter how successful they are. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others. Most of the time we look at everyone and think we don’t measure up. Everyone has an area of their life they struggle with.

We just don’t tell.

I’ve been amazed at how habits are at the heart of what blocks us. How habits happen over and over and over and over and over again…like a DVD on repeat.

It may be unhealthy eating habits, or implementing a new sales campaign or simply wanting to be more loving to your beloved.

I use to think it was just us more artsy, chaotic types that struggled. I discovered people who are very structured, struggle just as much. Some people find change incredibly stressful.

Basically you’re not alone. I wanna stop the shame around it. The more we can talk about it freely the more love we can apply to it. The greater the love quotient on ANYTHING the more readily what doesn’t work anymore can neatly step out of the way.

It’s about meeting changing habits with understanding, patience and TRICKS.


SO. CHANGING HABITS. Wherefore art though so dammed hard!

Boy oh boy! It’s such an energy kicker. You probably spend more time TRYING to break bad habits than actually doing it. Trying takes more energy than the actual thing itself. Starting something takes enormous energy. Until momentum takes over. It’s the act of CHANGING habits that is the energy taker. One kinda has to wind up the clock first… that’s why every time we try and stop, try and stop – we end up exhausted and burnt out.

Do you ride a bicycle? Do you remember what it took to learn how to do it? How many times you had to fall?

Gosh. It’s exhausting. That’s why riding bicycles is for kids man. They have so much extra energy they don’t even think about falling off and getting back on.

Ah… there is something there. Kids don’t think about it when they fall off. They just get back up. They are NOT TRYING. They are doing. The act of getting on and falling down is not trying to them. It is part of the fun.

Falling off is part of the process of building the right muscles and co-ordination to ride a bike.

It’s the over-thinking things that exhausts us. It’s judging, worrying, crying, complaining about it and the impatience that sucks the life force right out of us.

                              Inner Locus Control 


Inner Locus Control is the ability to master and manage ourselves no matter what happens around us. When we have a high locus control, we are not easily influenced by external forces.

A low inner locus control leaves us at the mercy of everyone around us.


…what that means is my feelings are my master not ME. I decide to exercise every day. I wake up and feel cold. I go back to bed. I wake up feeling miserable I watch the telly.

It is the habits of the mind that have the greatest influence on our ability to change our habits. It is time to teach the mind to FOLLOW THROUGH. The mind is like a child. It needs lots of understanding.

I am a strong believer that mental, emotional and spiritual preparation are the most important building blocks to success. In my line of work self development is vital for success. Working with Jo on my self has made all the difference in getting

Tumisho Masha my career and business to a higher level because she helped me with the fundamentals for what I needed to get where I am today. I can be who or what I want to be, because I started with being myself first. Thank you Mama Kalavati!

– Tumisho Masha (Film actor & entrepreneur)


Three Secret Tricks to Changing Habits With A Lot Less Fuss

  • Get struck by lightening, have a heart attack, a near death cancer experience or any great life event that literally shakes the cajeepers out of you. Babe, this may NOT BE A ROUTE you’d wanna take.
  • Enter into an intense retreat. That’s what rehab programs are about. i.e. change your entire surroundings.
  •  Trick the brain little-by-little. Make the steps so small the mind doesn’t notice.

The first one is simply not up to us. Thank goodness.

The second one is great…and useful. Thats what the FreshStart Coaching Ecourses are designed for. The thing is when you go home to the old environment you’ve still got the old memories and triggers. Unless you can just about shift and control everything around you: Fire the spouse. Rebuild your house.

But little environment changes do help. I always set about cleaning, decluttering and reorganising before I make life changes.

Make the environment conducive to what you want to do so that it’s easier to do it.

I have the computer set up – ready for my writing. I have the blender and fruit ready for a smoothie. My clothes and mat ready for me to do yoga.

Do something small each day.

If 2-minutes is too long, make it 30-seconds. Celebrate the accomplishment. Reward your mind for following through. Measure it. Research shows that people who document their journey and measure, have a much higher chance of success.

Why changing habits will grow you?

The thing I need to tell you most of all:

It’s okay that you may keep falling off.

You are not a failure. There is nothing wrong with you. Actually you are what I call…

…wait for it..HUMAN. (GASP)

Habits are so deep that changing habits can be like ‘trying’ to stop a train moving on one railway track to instantly go on another railway track.

What I have discovered though is the process of changing habits actually grows your wings. Without that growth you’d not be able to fly.

It doesn’t feel good AT ALL.

But those bad feelings are mostly because of the story you tell about falling off.

Unless you change the habit of your mind that turns it into a raging battle, you’ll continue to hate the process and miss out on the beautiful gifts you receive along the way.

It’s in the fall that you’ll learn the most. Through the process you’ll come closer and closer to your heart’s longing.


Tiny Steps. Here is the KICKER: 

Put a frog in water. if you turn up the heat in tiny amounts the frog won’t notice. It ends up being boiled. This is a horrible real life metaphor. Just thinking about this makes me shudder.

It illustrates why we end up in trouble. Because we don’t notice all the ways we turn up the water to boiling in our own lives until it’s too late.

We can use this knowing to reverse things. Do something in tiny amounts every day.

Soon enough you’ll go on auto pilot. The thing you love to hate will become the thing you love to love. It will be as easy as breathing.

The key is tiny-tiny changes. 

In the FreshStart Bootcamp E-Course one of the first activities is to walk every day for at least one block. That takes about 2 minutes. Just 2 minutes. It’s so small the mind barely complains.

The mind can handle – “Oh, its just to the end of the block. Then I can come back and get into bed.

Chances are you’ll do more 2-minutes. Two of the FreshStarters went on to run marathons. One had been a smoker and hadn’t exercised in years.

 Tools make changing habits that much easier.

1. Meditation over time rewires the brain and cleans out negative thoughts.

2. Sleep. Change requires energy. Allow your body and mind time to rejuvenate.

3. Baby Steps – trick your mind by taking tiny movements in the right direction.

4. Changes in the environment – make changes in the environment that will make it that much easier for you to do it.

5. Go on a retreat, a bootcamp, to a rehab program.

6. Hire a coach. It helps to have someone who can ask the right questions, dig deep and shift you into the energy you need to make the change.

7. Get a support or love Buddy. Someone who is invested in your success. Check out http://tinyhabits.com for a systematic buddy program.

8. Find time to Relax & Have Fun. If you make it too serious you’ll hate the ride. Enjoy life.

9. Journal, measure, document. Make it fun and creative.

If you want to dive into an intense, supportive program without leaving home, join us for the 21-Day FreshStart Reboot Challenge.  It’s part of the Freshstart Bootcamp and it’s designed to give you a lifestyle turn around that will build you a foundation to follow your dreams. It’s absolutely Free.

Because you’re worth it!

You’ll get better and better at it. I promise.

Do you have questions? Are you looking for personal coaching?

Give me a shout to set up your 1-1 introduction sessions.

0845002292 or jo@kalavati.org

Copy right 2015

That, Not This


By Rebecca Fine

A friend recently sent me an email that contained one simple sentence that jumped right off the screen and hit me in the face.

When I wrote back to thank her, she was surprised because she hadn’t thought of it as anything particularly profound — just something she’d been thinking about, had maybe heard somewhere else, “just a thought” she barely remembered writing down.

Here’s what she wrote:

“If you think you have to get THIS in order to have THAT, then what you REALLY want is THAT, not THIS.”

OK, maybe it is really simple, but the most profound statements usually are.

So read that again and think about it for a moment, please, then let me flesh it out a bit in light of what I hear so often from readers and students of The Science of Getting Rich.

Here’s a sample of what new (and not-so-new) SOGR readers frequently express as their “clear mental images” of what they desire to impress on the Formless:

  • “A million dollars in the bank.”
  • “A new job that pays $100,000 a year or more.”
  • “An advanced degree in _________.”

Now, as the saying goes, “There’s nothing wrong” with any of those desires. And yet, when I probe a bit further and ask, “WHY do you want that million dollars?” I usually get an answer back that goes something like this:

“So I can buy a new home for my family, pay for my kids’ education, and …”

The same kinds of reasons often turn up for wanting that new job.

And the reason for wanting more education is usually to get a better job to get more money to get … well, I think you’re probably starting to catch on to the theme here, right?

So let’s plug any of those into what my friend wrote:

“If you think you have to get a million dollars in order to have a new home, then what you really want is a new home, not a million dollars.”

Yup, it’s simple. And profound when you go more deeply into it.

You know how you can often save a lot of money on a purchase if you’re able to go right to the source — get it wholesale or better instead of paying the marked-up retail price? Well, the same thing applies when you’re “placing your order” with the Cosmic Supplier (the Formless, the Supreme Mind, the Universe).

In other words, cut out the middle-man! 

Why waste time, energy, and effort clarifying a mental image of something that’s not REALLY what you truly desire? Why not go right for the real thing instead?

After all, money itself has no value of its own, and the value we assign it today can change in a heartbeat. Back in 1929 there were plenty of people here in the United States who thought their security lay in the vast amounts of money they controlled.

But on October 29, when the stock market crashed and their money vanished overnight, they were throwing themselves out skyscraper windows.

Who needs THAT kind of “security?”

You may THINK you want money — a LOT of money, even a particular and very large amount of money. And you may very well end up getting it.

But when you focus on money rather than on what you TRULY desire to be, do, or have, what you’re really doing is getting caught up in the HOW rather than the WHAT of your true heart’s desires.

My friend, you have to let go of the “how.” If you don’t, you’re handcuffing the Universe and telling it, no thanks, don’t bring me my heart’s desires THAT way. The more tightly you try to hold onto the how, onto figuring out how everything has to happen and how you can make it happen that way, the more you slow down the process of manifestation.

What are your real, innermost, perhaps long-deferred dreams?

If you think you don’t know, please realize that you DO. They may be deeply buried, but the dreams are still within you. Those dreams are, as Mr. Wattles puts it, “life seeking expression,” just as in the little boy he watched trying to bring music out of a piano. Remember?

Sometimes, people even come up with an amount of money as their “dream,” to AVOID having to go within and see what they find there. But as author Neale Donald Walsch has noted in a neat play on words, if you fail to go within, you will go without.

If you’ve been unconsciously substituting some amount of money for your true desires, then you’re trying to take a shortcut that can’t lead where you want to go.

Here’s the thing: When you get absolutely clear on your true desires, you will know it at a very deep level. You’ll FEEL it with an odd mixture of enthusiasm and peaceful calm. It’ll just feel right — because it is.

When you feel that way, your “mental image” will be powerfully impressed on the Formless.

And when you go right for the REAL dream instead of all that you THINK you need to have in order to get that real dream, you are throwing open all the doors and windows and secret passageways for your good to come to you. You are getting yourself, your old ideas, and other unnecessary limitations out of the way so that you can receive, recognize, and ACCEPT the fulfillment of your desire as it appears.

Here’s a delightful example from Practical GeniusesTM course member JAIN BRAND in Sydney, Australia:

“I have been studying The Science of Getting Rich for a few months now and have had lots of nice little surprises. But I got a big one a few weeks ago which taught me a lot.

“I am a mad keen horse person and one of my dreams was to own a horse for trail riding. I originally thought about just getting a basic, cheap, scrubby little horse but then realised I might as well ask for the whole dream.

“I began to think, instead, of riding a beautiful, tall, well trained horse. I would picture myself on this horse several times a day. I would walk along the trails that I would like to ride the horse. I visited saddleries and looked at gear that I would like to buy for my new horse.

“And then it happened.

“I was offered a beautiful, tall, well trained horse. He is worth a lot more than I could possible pay for him. He has a small injury that would prevent him from competing at top level, but won’t in any way affect his trail riding ability and the owners just wanted him to go to a good home.

“Anyway, I waffle on, but the point to this story is that I went into a mild panic when I was offered this magnificient horse. Where could I keep him, how would I look after him, how could I afford to keep him??? Because I had to make a decision about whether I wanted him in just a few hours I nearly said no.

“But then I thought this is what I’ve asked for, here it is and I have to accept this gift.

“And it all worked out perfectly. I found a really good place to keep him and he’s turned out to be very cheap to look after. To think …

“I nearly missed out on this wonderful horse because I wasn’t ready for when it happened.

“Now when good things are offered to me, I accept them immediately and know that the ‘hows and whys’ will work themselves out.

“Needless to say, every time I ride my beautiful horse I am extremely grateful!!

See how it works? Instead of thinking, well, I need X amount of money to buy a horse, Jain skipped over that and went right for “the whole dream,” getting VERY clear on that image: imagining riding the horse, visiting saddleries, walking the trails, and so on.

And notice how neatly all the other bits and pieces necessary to the “big picture” have worked themselves out, too: Where money itself was needed, there was money enough.

Odd as it may seem, by not focusing on money or the other meansby which your dream may be fulfilled, money itself may very well show up — and often in amazing ways and bigger amounts than you imagined. The thing to remember is simply that how your dream is delivered is not up to you!

Wallace Wattles writes: “It is not your part to guide or supervise the creative process. All you have to do with that is to retain your vision, stick to your purpose, and maintain your faith and gratitude.”

Realize, too, my friend, that whatever it is you desire to be, do, or have, ultimately you are aiming for a feeling. In other words, you believe that achieving this desire will cause you to feel good in one way or another — perhaps happy, powerful, loved, competent, successful, and so on.

So look at what Mr. Wattles tells us about how THAT works:

“Think and speak of all the things you have asked for in terms of actual present ownership. Imagine an environment and a financial condition exactly as you want them, and live all the time in that mental environment and financial condition until they take physical shape.

“… In the mental realm, enter at once into full enjoyment of the things you want.”

“… Be as thankful for it all the time as you expect to be when it has taken form.”

You see, when we think the good feeling is the result of getting what we want, we’ve got the process exactly backwards!

Create the feeling first (as Jain did). That’s what powers the impression of your clear mental image on the Formless and starts the process of bringing it into physical form.

Now some teachers and writers express this by saying that the key is for YOU to give first — and then the Universe will respond.

But really, when you consider that everything you already have — including your life and the very air you are breathing right this minute — is a gift, then you can see that it’s not about you giving first. That’s not even possible!

The key is understanding that the process often called manifestation (and that we call the science of getting rich) is an ongoing cycle of giving and receiving, of cause and effect, and that, as Mr. Wattles says, “Substance is friendly to you, and is more anxious to give you what you want than you are to get it.”

If you’re thinking you have to get this in order to be, do, or have thatwhich you truly desire, it may be time to think again!

Rebecca Fine is the founder of The Science of Getting Rich Network where you can download your free copy of the amazing 1910 forgotten classic, The Science of Getting Richhttp://http://www.scienceofgettingrich.net    ©2004 Certain Way Productions Inc.

©2000 Certain Way Productions.

Needy Women (Or Men) – It’s A War

I always said I wouldn’t be one of those ‘needy women.’

I was young, invincible and pretending I didn’t need anyone. I couldn’t see this part of me that was stirring.

Finally, it unleashed itself. Every ounce of neediness and insecurity came out like a hurricane on coke. My then boyfriend took a whipping of clinginess to last a lifetime.

Still these feelings sometimes have a hold. But with each beautiful breath of truth, (and so it is for all needy women or men, who live in that world of pain) it lets go of its grip. It’s such a easy place to be.

I need him to understand me, call me, talk to me? Is that true?

Three different clients with the same theme. What a bumper mirror of me. We very much want to be understood by our loved ones. When we don’t get that understanding we get mad.

We demand, we complain, we cry….

…sometimes endlessly for days.

Only it doesn’t work. The more desperately we reach for it – the further away our loved ones ride. If only, if only, we could control their minds.

I was so sure I could.

After the third person – with the same story – I could no longer ignore that this was me.

How many times I’ve felt enraged because I thought my husband didn’t understand me.

I wanted to quieten – the never ending whisper – ‘something is wrong with me.’ Like many others, I seek reassurance on the outside. I’m certainly not unique.

Mostly I thought that if he understood me – HE WOULD CHANGE.

If only he loved me the way I said – life, love and our relationship would be perfect.  I’m not unreasonable, I thought.

Hand in hand with my expectation for understanding, was my expectation for him to not be him – but to be some version of a fantasy…

…a fantasy even I could not live up to.

In these moments of pain – I don’t seek to understand him.

What he thinks or feels at that time doesn’t matter. I only want to hear that he would do things differently so I could feel free.  I called that love. In these moments of pain, I believed I was helpless; that only he could set me free.

I had no clue on how to give him the very things I wanted. I could only understand him on the things I was in agreement with.

When he showed up in conflict with my needs and values, the sweetness inside, turned to anger and fear.

I was Bitter Aunty Agonagony aunt.jpgy on a roller coaster horror ride.

The insanity of my mind. Now I know it. My relationship with my husband and the issues my clients bring – show up to show me what is unresolved within.

No matter how much I think he should do this or shouldn’t do that; no matter how much I believe I am entitled – the reality is – he is absolutely free. No amount of complaint or coercion will make it otherwise. It’s most definitely nothing to do with love.

My pain is mine. His, is his. Only I can understand me. Only I can talk to me, be with me, listen to me, care for me. Now I can go to work and set myself free.

I am indeed one of ‘those’ needy women. I don’t mind any more. Each time I’m alive with the possibility of cleaning any part of residue that wants anyone else to be responsible for me.

Relationship Tip Activity:

  1. Write out your expectations and needs.
  2. What or how can you give yourself what you desire?
  3. What or how can you give others the very same thing – especially when it’s hard?
  4. Notice how you may not ALWAYS give others the very thing you want them to be for you.
  5. Be gentle with yourself as you discover you’re not perfect. You’ll soon let go of your need for your partner to be anything other than what he or she already is.

Want to read more. Go to Controlling Relationships or Relationship Addiction

Make yourself at home.

Sign up for a complimentary relationship coaching session today.


What do others have to say?



Controlling Relationships The Mommy-Bitch Syndrome

Controlling relationships she swore she’d never have…



She couldn’t see she wanted to control him. Dominate his every word, his thought and deed. She wanted him a puppet to her every need. She couldn’t see the bitch she’d become. The nag of all nags she’d grown for wings. She couldn’t see she was tearing him down from limb to limb. She had the Mommy -Bitch Syndrome.

I am guilty of this too! Are you?

She sat on the edge of her chair. She wanted my agreement. She sought sympathy for her predicament. Her husband after all, a useless child, she said. How on earth, could she live a good life. She had to pick up his mess, nag him to fix the light, and give her a romantic night. She spent 30-minutes picking him apart. Selfish, immature, lazy he was.

She couldn’t see much else. She didn’t want to change. She wanted to know how to make him change.

She only came for two sessions. Their marriage didn’t last long. I learnt a lot about me in those two sessions and the nature of controlling relationships.

I think many of us have a bit of that. We do things for others they can do for themselves. We tell them how to dress or what to do. After all, we know what’s best. Everything would be alright if they just did as we said. We’re rude, bossy and mean. We complain, we shame, we blame.

Only to find no-one is home. It may have started before you. It doesn’t matter where it began.

Are you here now?

Is your relationship fraught with fighting?

Do you often feel upset?

In short, are you in a controlling relationship?

Does he or she:

  • spends less and less time at home;
  • and less and less time with you;
  • not tell you jackshit;
  • shut you out emotionally;
  • leave it ALL to you;
  • seem depressed;


  • don’t trust him (or her);
  • see him or her as incompetent;
  • feel anxious and insecure;
  • feel overwhelmed and stressed-out;
  • need to be right;
  • believe s/he is wrong;
  • are pissed off;
  • correct him in small and big things;
  • find yourself putting him down;
  • make decisions for him;
  • do things for him he can do for himself;
  • demand from him how to love you;
  • tell him what to do and how to do it;

No matter what s/he does it isn’t good enough.

Eventually s/he stops trying.

S/he doesn’t want to do things because no matter what s/he does you’ll tell them how they should have done it. Its the pivotal centre of controlling relationships. The fault-finding mission.

The basic message you send – You’re no good.

So WALA – you have a partner who doesn’t want to be around you. A marriage on its way out. Is this YOU? Are you the maker of your version of controlling relationships?

I’m guilty of it too.

So now you know what NOT to do. The rest is up to YOU.

Make yourself at home.

Peace be with you, Joann.


How A Down and Out Baseball Player Boosted His Income 700 Per Cent in Ten Short Days


Jo’s note: This story is not about money so much it is about living your life. I noticed when I’m not living my life in a certain way my addictions thrive and I start to die. Turn it around. Time for us to fly and the addictions to be the sleeping lives. May it gift you with insight as it did me. Love


Rebecca Fine

$185 may not seem like much (at least not here in North America), but when it’s your whole month’s pay — and when last month you were getting only $25 — it takes on some serious significance.

Now imagine yourself back in the year 1907, and that $185 starts to look a whole lot better, doesn’t it?

That’s when a young baseball player named Frank Bettger discovered a simple secret that changed his whole life.

And while he probably didn’t realize it, he also discovered a surefire way to “more than fill [his] present place” and to give everyone he encountered “the impression of increase.”

Bettger made his discovery the way many of us learn our best lessons: He was under the gun and HAD to come up with a solution. He’d been fired by the manager of the Johnstown, Pennsylvania, team, and things looked pretty grim. But as we learn in the amazing 1910 forgotten classic, The Science of Getting Rich, TRUTH is usually difficult to see when “appearances” loom large.

Was getting sent down to a bush league team that paid peanuts a good thing or a bad thing? Well, let’s see …

As the manager sent Frank on his way, he gave him these words of advice: “Whatever you do after you leave here, for heaven’s sake, wake yourself up, and put some life and enthusiasm into your work!”

See, Frank had been so nervous, so scared that he’d been holding back on the field, taking it easy and playing it “safe.” He thought he was successfully hiding his fear from everyone, but he was only holding himself back, holding himself down.

(Ever been THERE? I sure have!)

Fortunately, Frank took his manager’s words to heart. On his first day with his new team in Connecticut he determined that from then on, no one would ever be able to accuse him of being lazy. He said, “I made up my mind to establish the reputation of being the most enthusiastic ball player they’d ever seen in the New England League.

“I thought if I could establish such a reputation, then I’d have to live up to it.”

My friend, that last line right there is brilliant strategy! And Frank implemented his strategy right away. That first day, with the temperature nearing 100 degrees, he became a wild man on the field, running, throwing and hitting with force and feeling — and leaving players, coaches, and spectators all shaking their heads and wondering what on earth was going on.

For example, he slid into third so energetically that the third baseman fumbled the ball and Frank was able to go on and score just when the team really needed a run.

And here’s the zinger: It was all a show, just an act, just pretend. Frank was practicing what people today call “Fake it ’til you make it.” He didn’t feel enthusiastic at all. He just CHOSE to act “as if” he did.

Did it work? Well, listen up to Frank’s own words …

It worked like magic. Three things happened:

1. My enthusiasm almost entirely overcame my fear. In fact my nervousness began to work FOR me, and I played far better than I ever thought I was capable of playing. (If you are nervous be thankful. Don’t hold it back. Turn it on. Let your nerves work FOR you.)

2. My enthusiasm affected the other players on the team, and they too became enthusiastic.

3. Instead of dropping with the heat, I felt better during the game and after it was over than I had ever felt before.

The next morning the newspapers were all over Frank, calling him an inspiration. Better yet, within ten days his $25 a month shot up to $185, and Frank notes, “Let me repeat — nothing but the determination to ACT ENTHUSIASTIC increased my income 700% in ten days! I got this stupendous increase in salary not because I could throw a ball better — or catch or hit better, not because I had any more ability as a ball player. I didn’t know any more about baseball than I did before.”

And two years later Frank’s income had multiplied an incredible 30 times over — all because of enthusiasm.

Now some of us scoff and approach this subject in a way my great-grandma would have called (excuse me, please) “bass ackward.” We think things have to be really good and THEN we’ll be enthusiastic. But that’s sort of like telling your car that if it’ll only get you across town right now, you’ll fill up the gas tank later!

One of the questions I get asked most has to do with the concept of being bigger than your present place — so that you are ready to evolve upward into a larger place (with larger rewards). The other most frequent question is, how do I give the impression of increase to others?

Well, my friend, Frank has shown us one EXCELLENT way to do both! In fact, enthusiasm is probably the most important and most effective way. And you CAN do it, and you can begin doing it right this very moment. (In fact, Mr. Wattles would surely say that THIS is an appropriate use of the will, don’t you agree?)

Don’t feel enthusiastic? So what? Be like Frank! Anthony Robbins has people stand up, lift their chins and look upward, hold their arms out wide, put big smiles on their faces, then vigorously swing their arms together in a big handclap while shouting “Yes!” And then again, and again, and so on.

See, one part of the enthusiasm formula — as Frank discovered on that sweltering baseball field — is that if you make a change in your physical state, you get a corresponding change in your emotional one. Try it.

Don’t like your present job? What if you temporarily pretend you do and attack it with fresh enthusiasm — yeah, even fake enthusiasm — today? All day. Just play the part. You might get an immediate change in the situation — or you might have to keep on pumping enthusiasm in for a while.

What have you got to lose?

And if you DO like what you’re doing, you can still load in a fresh supply of enthusiasm and see what happens. It worked for Frank! And it’s worked for countless others through the years. It works as well or better today as it ever did. I know this from my own experience and you probably know it, too — even if you’ve forgotten.

(Not to worry. Frank forgot it himself and had to rediscover it years later when he became a salesman — a sorry, sorry salesman ’til he rediscovered the power of enthusiasm.)

The founder of the Methodist church, John Wesley, once advised, “Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.”

My friend, if you’re in that place where nothing seems to be going right, or perhaps it’s more that nothing’s really WRONG, but you’re just feeling restless or dissatisfied, it’s time to light your own fire — and to be the great, blazing torch of a person you were born to be!

You can — and you ARE! If you need to do this, please start right now, this very moment. You’ll see (and feel!) great results in every area of your life.

And our world needs the light. YOUR light.
Note: Read more of Frank’s entertaining and useful experiences and insights in his 1947 book, How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling. (You do NOT need to be a “salesperson” to mine the gold in this delightful book!) It’s available in most major bookstores and many public libraries, or get more information and


Rebecca Fine is the founder of The Science of Getting Rich Network where you can download your free copy of the amazing 1910 forgotten classic, The Science of Getting Richhttp://http://www.scienceofgettingrich.net    ©2000 Certain Way Productions.


I Love What I Do

self-motivationI question my own purpose often. Growing up I wanted to change the world. I thought I could change the world.

Through the eyes of the many people I’ve worked with, I soon saw that it was me who needed the change and growth.

In my twenties teaching life skills to school kids – I realised that so much of what I was teaching I wasn’t living. I was teaching high school children and teachers about having empowered relationships.

I myself was in a bad relationship.

I myself was at a stage in my life when I came face to face with my sense of helplessness as I discovered I could not control the world.

It took me a while to work out that I could only control me, and that act alone would change MY world.

My purpose changed from changing others, to changing me. My mission was to expand my own light, my own strength and wisdom.

That doesn’t mean I’ve lost a connection to the meaning my work gives me.

Only a recognition that I am not the one helping anyone. People help themselves. I just share tools I’ve learnt along the way that facilitate and accelerate the process. They’re not even my tools. I am not an inventor. My gift is to facilitate – to make easy – learning and growth.

How much transformation, healing and success someone experiences has to do with them.

Their own resolve, their own belief in their capacity to do so, their own perseverance and dedication to themselves.


I love seeing someone’s eyes light up when they experience a shift in their world. I do. It gives me a thrill.

When a pain turns into freedom. When a problem turns into growth.

In that moment when I see it, it reminds me of my own potential and possibilities. I feel faith rise inside me. I feel my own resolve strengthen.

The bonus is knowing I’ve parted a gift to someone. Sometimes that gift lasts a moment. Sometimes I get a phone call years later to say how that gift has changed someone’s world.

The gifts I receive from each person I work with – last me a life time.