Release your feelings. The Feeling Letter – by John Gray

I don’t know about you, but I had no idea how to release what I was feeling in a healthy way. As a small child, I burst into tears at the slightest thing I didn’t understand. My tears would be out of frustration, anger, hurt and fear.

I learnt to contain it, to control it, to tame it. As I contained it, I also tamed me. All of me.



My anger (and rage) showed up as depression. It showed up looking like bladder infections, hip injuries and ovarian cysts. I still have endometriosis* . Talk about  a symbolic storing of baggage.

It showed up as addictions. My escape. First with alcohol and relationships, later with food and TV.

Anger is what happens when we feel we have no control over something we believe is hurting us in some way. Anger is what happens when we try to control other people’s business.

Sometimes, it’s simple impatience.

We want what we want, when we want it. When life doesn’t happen how we imagine, we feel a disappointment.




How do we release anger, sadness, and resentment towards someone?



The good old punching out the pillow, or working out at a gym will release extra energy. Be it nervous, sad or angry energy.




Dance it out. Play it out. Get physical.




Deep breathing and meditation reduces cortisol levels. It releases the feel good happy chemicals. It restores the balance.



Letting go of one’s attachment to the story shifts the energy you feel towards a situation.

And then, when it just won’t let go use…

…The Feeling Letter

I’ve given this letter to clients to use when they are mad as hell with someone in their life. The thing about rage, is we don’t know what belongs to us and what belongs to the person we are mad with.

We are so busy blaming, we dump. ( I think my hubby could tell you a thing or two about my capacity to dump.)  It can happen to anyone. Sometimes to people who have the most desire to be kind, are the ones who end up dumping the most on the people they love. Perhaps it might be your children. Perhaps someone you meet on the street.

The feeling letter helps to get it all out on paper. It’s important that you do it handwritten. The pen becomes a vessel to transfer the emotions to the page. The act of putting everything down, without holding back allows you an incredible release.

This feeling letter is recommended by John Gray in his book ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’. It is a tool for people to enhance their relationships. I have found it a great tool to let go of any repressed feelings or emotions. I also recommend it to clients who are feeling overwhelmed by anger or sadness.

Write knowing that the person will never see it. Do not edit yourself. Light a match and burn it. Say goodbye to the pain.

Create a ritual if you’d like. A funeral for the pain.

Once you’ve burnt it, you may still want to communicate to the person you’ve written to but you’ll find that most of what you wrote you now have no need to say. If nothing else, it can help you to formulate your thoughts.

I do not recommend you give someone your unedited letter. The act of burning it is part of the release. An unedited letter is likely to just cause more hurt than healing.

I suggest you buy the book for the full description, but here is a simplified version that I use.






      Dear ————

I am writing this letter to let go, to heal, to expand my own well being.

I am angry because…..(everything you can think of)

I am sad because…………..

I am scared because…………….

I am ashamed because………


THEN choose positive feeling and continue even if it feels hard to do.

I respect you/that  because……………

I admire you because …………

I love you because…………

I am grateful to you because…….

What I want now is……………..

From (your name)


John Gray’s Website

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*Endometriosis is a disorder in which the tissue that forms the lining of your uterus grows outside of your uterine cavity.


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