I wanted the true taste of being FREE. Of JOY. Of LIVING.
I discovered then, I was not so alone. Everywhere I turned people loved me. People held me. People let me cry an ocean of tears that would have transformed the Sahara desert into a tropical paradise.
The first five years I was left somewhat quiet and unsure.. and very much depressed…
…I was not use to being without this ex-lover of mine.
But I persevered, and I danced a different dance wherever I could. People say you need absolute Faith to generate a transformation…
…Well, sometimes I didn’t have faith. On those days I clung desparately onto those who did. I clung to the people who believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. I clung to the people who believed in something HIGHER, when God just didn’t make sense.
After a while, my Spirit healed, my body found it’s strength and my heart a new dance.
Breaking bad habits means facing the demons of fear
I started to notice that this ex-lover of mine had an entire society under it’s hold. That IT along with Fear and Hatred, loved to entice people to it’s posion, and in doing so lulled us into being comfortable with violence, poverty and living only half a life.
It doesn’t even need us to be an ‘alcoholic’ – it just needs us to BELIEVE in its goodness.
I didn’t know that then at twelve. But I learned many lessons from this dance of mine. I learned that I can change any habit I choose to. I learned it’s not too late to HEAL. I learnt I don’t need to follow the pack and that Love does exist. I learned that I am STRONG and I don’t need anyone to tell me that I am ok…
You may think me extreme…but I learnt that the effect intoxicants have on humanity – is far greater than what silence can buy.
Most of all, I learnt to be unafraid to say that I stand for a world where people don’t need to posion their bodies, their minds and their spirits – with any substance, person or thing – so that they can feel good enough about who they are, relax, or even have a greater connection with God. Not because there is a rule, a law or a moral obligation to do so. But because each and every human being knows that he or she is all that they will ever need.
I still talk up a storm. A real yakkety yak…and I can dance on a table or two. Sometimes my shyness is humility, and sometimes I am afraid of what you’ll think. But I don’t mind that any more, because I know I am human…
…And I’m still learning what it means to be free…and what it really means to be me.
Copyright Jo Hazelhurst 2010
Recommended resources on addiction recovery and substance abuse coming up tomorrow.
- Addiction is a cover for fearful, stressful thoughts. You’ll find great worksheets with Byron Katie’s The Work
- See the work of Dr Gabor Mate. Who Would you Be without addiction?
- Tools for Recovery http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/recovery-skills.htm
- Share with others “Life after Recovery’ http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/657859-What-Does-Life-After-Drug-Addiction-REALLY-Look-Like